"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Jack The Ripper Woulda Never Stood A Chance...

Ok, things are getting fucking paranoid.

This week, a British company launched a product called Buddy On-Demand, a blow-up doll made in the image of a man that sits in the passenger seat of cars to ease the fears of women driving around at night by themselves.

Is there something I'm missing here? I know they drive on the wrong side of the road over there and all, but their cars DO have locks, don't they? And horns? And a gas pedal? What the hell is going on in the streets over there?

And exactly how is a blow up doll gonna help?

Ladies, nevermind your insecure feelings about driving around solo - how you gonna feel when you pull up to a dapper/single/rich Hugh Grant-type at that red light and he looks over to see you sitting seat-belted next to Boner The Blow Up Boy? I'd start wondering about how that's gonna leave you feeling.

Well, I suppose it is not a completely idiotic idea. According to the company behind Buddy On-Demand, 82% of women "feel safer" when there is someone else in the car with them at night.

Okay, I'm cool with that.

Any statistics on how much they'll "feel safer" when that would-be car-jacker/rapist/serial killer gets close enough to realize Buddy can be taken out with the ember of a burning cigarette?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

A Few Random Favorites...

William Holden rocks. So does Billy boy.
No, not Bush. The alien, you idiot.
Took this in Chicago. Dig that shit.
Fuck you Tim Horton.
This one is self-explanatory.
Stan Laurel. The King, and don't you forget it.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Darwin Just Shit In His Grave

Well, its finally happened...

Someone has discovered a fish in a reservoir has human-like teeth. Which is kinda odd really, because there are plenty of folks I know, that don't have human-like teeth. So yes, there is now a fish with better orthodontics than many humans out there (I'm looking at you Britain).

Now I'm not saying this is kinda scary but there may be one of two things happening out there. Either we are poisoning our lakes, streams and all bodies of water so badly with toxins, pollutants and drugs that water-dwelling creatures are now taking on freaky attributes (a la the 3-eyed fish in the Simpsons and, dare I say it, a fish with human teeth)...

...or, somebody fucked a fish.

This is a frightening world indeed.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Hulk Canadian-Style

Well, word has it The Mummy star Brendan Fraser is among the top contenders to replace Eric Bana in the sequel to THE HULK. Yep, soon enough, we could be seeing an honorary Canadian (he was born in America, but has dual-citizenship apparently) playing one of Americas favourite comic book heroes.

Not a bad choice really. They could certainly do worse. But it got me thinking ya know, we ought to have more Canuck actors playing these superhero roles. And lets start with The Hulk. Perhaps the big studios should look to a couple other nice Canadian boys for the big green muscle freak.

Like why do we need this cheesy computer-generated Hulk anyhow? Big old ex-pro wrestler Bret Hart is just sitting around in Calgary waiting for a big movie to come along. Who knows if he can act, but then, who needs to act when they are playing The Hulk. Just break stuff. Besides, we have already uncomfortably witnessed him in skimpy little shorts. Paint the dude green and cut his hair. Voila! The Hulk.

Alright, maybe you need someone to play skinny Bruce Banner, the Hulks alter-ego. Okay, fine.

So what is that Joey Jeremiah kid from DeGrassi Jr High doing these days? Or how about his buddy Wheels? I have not seen Wheels in years. Give the kid a break. Besides with that tattered hair and those thick nerdy eyeglasses, he kinda looked like a science geek with anger management issues.

Actually, skip The Hulk. When are they going to make SHE-HULK? Its really only a matter of time, right? Might I suggest Canuck Pin-up Pamela Anderson for that part? She is a big name, and you know some dudes would step on small children to check her out all painted up green. Best of all, she already has a chest that looks like its been enhanced by Gamma Rays.

Pardon the pun but, would she not be a NATURAL fit for the role?