"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Friday, November 03, 2006


This past week Britain newspaper The Independent published what it considers some of the worst lines of dialogue ever played on the big screen. Now while I do agree their list includes some truly noxious repartee, I do think they are missing perhaps The King of Bad Lines.

Their worst (or best, depending how you look at it) line is from Rocky 4, in a scene where Sly Stallone mumbles his way threw the utterance ‘If I can change, and you can change, then we can all change’. Who wrote that script anyhow - a 6-year old with fingerpaints?

Other hits (or misses) include lines from Top Gun, Goldfinger and ofcourse, Jerry Maguire (You complete me). All relatively decent movies with unlikely stodgy lines.

But where are the truly so-bad-they’re-good lines that should top this list? You know, those cinematic masterstrokes starring the likes of Steven Seagal or Jean Claude Van Damme? Or what about the sinister showpieces of the so-called worst director of all time, Ed Wood? Surely, movies like Plan 9 From Outer Space deserve a mention.

In my opinion, the worst (but best) line of dialogue comes much later than the era of Ed Wood and the B-movie. Its actually from a 1990 dumper called Fire Birds.

In the film, Tommy Lee Jones stars as an Army drill instructor and the particular line of offense comes during his pep talk to a young, but cocky helicopter pilot (Nicolas Cage) describing what he expects of his protégé…

... a 1st class all-American hero with his heart & brain wired together cooking full tilt boogie for freedom & justice!

That baby is so bad, I want to get it printed on a t-shirt.