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Tuesday, March 29, 2005

And Just How Do Ya Think The Frog Feels?

Some schmuck on the school board here is proposing new rules to make it more lenient for high school students to skip out of biology during dissection classes without reprimand.

Now, I got a bit of a problem with this.

One, as far as I recall, biology was only one of several sciences I could choose from when I was in high school. No one forced me to take it. I just thought it’d be more fun to cut open some roadkill than blow my shit up mixing foreign chemicals. But then again, I’m a different breed of electron.

Second, under current guidelines, students who object for moral or religious reasons can already opt out and instead perform dissection exercises on virtual computer programs, so really, what the fuck is this guy whining about?

Lastly, and most importantly, can we just please stop over-protecting these precious, precocious little Faberge children already? How soft do we need to turn these little mallrat-dwelling, midriff-baring, Britney-wannabe attitude monkeys?

Hell, this is 2005. What’s the big deal about a little animal dissection? Thanks to the internet, by high school, most of these kids have witnessed public beheadings, suicides, snuff videos and scads of fellow humankind going down on various forms of farmyard animals. And you’re telling me their offended by the digestive tract of a dead frog? Bullshit Charlie, sounds like an excuse for a smoke break to me.

According to arguments, many of these so-called offended students find dissection “downright unethical”.

Normally, I might find this a worthy defense only it's speaking for the same generation that created the concept of the 'rainbow party' where girls in attendance apply different colored lipstick then line up and blow the boys. Presumably, whatever boy has the most complete "rainbow" on his cock at the end of the night wins the contest, not to mention a serious case of Herpes. Now, what was that about these teens finding dissection "downright unethical"?

Look, I understand some kids may object to dissection. I get that it disgusts them. Hey, how do you think I felt about compound fractions? Fucking turned my stomach. But why not try what I did: bear it, do it, and move the fuck on. Hey, school ain't meant to be all hard-on inducing slow dances with the prom queen and blow jobs in the parking lot - if it did, no one would EVER graduate. What the fuck would be the point?

Listen up kids, ya know that same nauseus feeling you get when you slice open a pig fetus' abdomen and nearly puke? That's called training. Because believe me, after you graduate, get a job and make that fatal administrative error on your first day at the office accidentally wiping out the company payroll -- well, let's just say you'll wish you were back in school, balls deep in the fetus of a pig.