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Thursday, April 07, 2005

Fingers Like Twinkies

Did you hear about the guy who had to have the wedding ring cut off his penis?

It sounds like the set up to a joke but, sadly, tis not.

In Romania, some married mutt was having a bit of a tryst when he, apparently, fell asleep in the middle of a romp. Next thing he knew, he wakes up and finds his wedding band stuck on his penis.


Now first of all, how one doesn’t atleast wake up while a ring is taken from one's finger, then placed on one's unit is a beyond me. I mean, I’m a sound sleeper, but if anything is being forced on to my Johnson in the middle of the night, I’ll be up before you can say ‘morning wood'.

But since he didn’t wake up, I do atleast hope, for his sake, this bloke has some massive sausage fingers. I mean fingers like Twinkies. Hands like the Michelin Man. Because brother, if you can fit your wedding ring on your needledick in the first place, don’t be straying once you land a babe who signs up for a lifetime of sex with your skinny stack of dimes.

Maybe this guy’s not even telling the truth. Seems to me a dude who’s trouserworm is so tiny it can fit in a thimble might just exaggerate about his tales in the sack. Besides, there’s a ton of stories about horny gits sticking their schwanz into Coke bottles, watermelons and pretty much anything with a hole or can be fitted with a hole. Like a pork roast…hence the name, pork roast.

Walk into any sex shop and look around. Someone’s buying up all those blow-up sheep, ya know. And don’t overlook the fake, rubber female genitalia with the “realistic” pubic hair. If you got one o’ them stashed under yer pillow, it may be time to re-evaluate your goals. I recommend you go to your local bakery, have a Nanaimo bar and think it over.