"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Monday, April 04, 2005

Serious Inquiries Only

Ya know when you’re bored sometimes and pick up the paper. Maybe you’re flipping though the classifieds, y’know, just kinda browsing the escort listings trying to find your dream date with a 6’5” Asian sadomasochistic septuagenarian with a harelip…and instead you find that sometimes people actually sell cars and musical instruments and things there too.

Anyhow, have you noticed sometimes these people write “serious inquiries only”? What does that mean? Who is this for? Serious inquiries only?! As opposed to what – frivolous inquiries? Jocular inquiries? I mean how serious can an inquiry be?

When I come across one of these moronic requests, I usually call up the dildo:

“Hi there, I saw your ad in the paper – the one about the chocolate lab puppies for sale…”

“Ya….ya…I want to buy one...ya...look, I’m not fucking around here. I want one of your goddamn dogs…even if I got to find out where you live and come over there. Ya, ya, I’m fucking serious!”


They usually hang up at this point. I guess they weren’t actually all that serious about the ‘serious inquiries only’ thing after all.