"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Friday, June 30, 2006

OK, It's No Garfield Sequel, But Still...

Not going to the cottage this holiday weekend? Maybe you should take in a flick. But blow off the Man of Steel - Superman is going to be too busy. And skip Click - that's lame. So what should you see?

Well, if its playing in your town, commemorate this country that you love by taking in AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH if you haven't yet seen it. By far, the MOST IMPORTANT movie out this year (yes, and I've even seen Basic Instinct 2 so you know what I'm talking about), An Inconvenient Truth is an astounding and frightening look at the effects of global warming.

And its not just me who's saying its astounding. The Associated Press recently contacted over 100 of the top climate scientists in America and all who had seen the movie gave its spooky presumptions about the future of Earth a thumbs up for accuracy. Among these things are the prospect of a flooded New York City, disappearing ice sheets, more hurricanes, and basically a catastrophe-in-the-making.

And its not just a scare tactic (though we have reason enough to be scared). The film deals with the issue with tact, compassion and logic. It doesn't have any grandiose notions that it can change the world with its message. It knows it is only a warning call.

So, if you do go to a movie this weekend, I urge you to see this. As much as the call of Adam Sandler kicking someone who has been frozen in "pause" mode in the cherries can be deliciously inviting, do yourself a favor and check out An Inconvenient Truth. The funny thing is, both Click and A.I.T. have the same message - if we keep going through life the way we are now, it's going to be too late before we realize we can make a difference.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Ain't Nothing Like The Bullshit, JFM!

I'm not sure if they're trying to be condescending pricks, but doesn't the advertising agency behind the Just For Men Hair Dye TV commercials see the patronizing irony in using Marvin Gaye's Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing as their jingle?

Fuck you, Just For Men. You're not cute.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Re-visiting The Dead Celebrity Fan Club

While I was in LA recently, I came across an interesting ad in a local paper advertising nightly stays at the former apartment of late Doors singer, Jim Morrison.

Now, while I am not sure why anyone would pay to sleep in some dumpy, roach-infested pit furnished with dirty shag carpeting from the Seventies and beds infested with flesh-burrowing parasites passed on by so-called Doors Fans/Uncleanly-Hippie-Vermin, I am sure there is probably no shortage of ridiculum ready to shell out big bucks to break on through to the burn-out side.

After all, when it comes to dead celebrities, Jim Morrison has got to carry a heavy load.

Ever been to his gravesite at Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris? It was so popular with adulated fans desperately craving to pay tribute to their favorite singer (by loitering for endless weeks, smoking copious amounts of potent hydroponic skunkweed and scrawling LONG LIVE THE LIZARD KING on any other nearby tombstones), the cemetery fenced off his resting place. Now, I presume these Morrison fans are forced to smoke their weed in the same place local Parisiens relieve their bladders (which just happens to be any other place they feel like).

Note: Did you know 19th century composer Frederic Chopin is also buried at Pere Lachaise cemetery, and not a single knife-etched scrawling reading LONG LIVE RONDO IN E FLAT MAJOR, OPUS 16 on his tombstone?? Not to worry though. I fixed that small oversight.

So, what is it with these dead celebs that keeps us hanging on? Every year, the man with the hard hair on the nightly news tells us how old Elvis WOULD HAVE been on January 8th. Ok, so Elvis would have been 71. Fine. And he MIGHT HAVE run in the Boston Marathon if he spent more time jogging instead of popping sleeping pills and frying up peanut butter and banana sandwiches, but they dont talk about that every January 8th on the news, do they?

Marilyn Monroe is another dead celeb people just cant say goodbye to. Why not? Hollywood's greatest actress? A celebrated legend? Come on, if Marilyn had lived any longer, she would have ended up becoming Anna Nicole Smith with the fortitude of Bobby Brown at a complimentary all-you-can-snoot coke smorgasbord.

Listen, lets leave the dead alone. Next time you are in LA, do not waste your hard earned cash on an apartment even Jim Morrison would not have remembered if he were alive today. Spend it where its really needed. Like the legendary high-priced Beverly Hills Hotel. I hear that place couldn't even afford to supply Zsa Zsa Gabor with her very own personal toilet paper maitre d' last year.

Now thats what I call a tragedy.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Funny, They're My 2 Favorite Things...

Good news:

In a study of more than 125,000 people, one cup of coffee a day cut the risk of alcoholic cirrhosis by 20%. Four cups a day reduced the risk by 80%.

Well, lucky for me, I drink 6 cups a day. I'm fully covered.

Think I'll celebrate by going out for a beer.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Summer Observation # 5

I don't get these two-seater bicycles.

It don't seem fun to me.

One person gets to pedal, steer and generally be in control - and the other person gets to pedal and stare at someone's sweaty ass crack.

Nope, that don't seem fun to me at all.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I'm Not A Prick....It's A Medical Condition.

So it now seems road rage can be diagnosed as a condition known as intermittent explosive disorder, or IED.

According to ABC News: "Road rage, especially if it's frequent enough, is probably a part of IED, which is much more prevalent than people thought," said Dr. Emil Coccaro of the University of Chicago.

IED. What a crock of shit. Everything’s got to be a “disorder” now, don’t it?

Can’t anyone just be a plain old asshole anymore?

Well worry not, young disordered pottymouth, apparently patients with intermittent explosive disorders respond to treatment with antidepressants such as tricyclic antidepressants and serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRIs).

Ever get the idea the drug companies are making this shit up?

Monday, June 05, 2006

Now Playing At A Casino Near You

According to the Los Angeles Times, there are a bunch of online entertainment betting sites popping up on Ye Ole Interweb. Because of that, it seems that the weekend box-office race is no longer just a measure of how well a movie opens, but it shows us just how freaking horny we are to practically bet on anything.

Apparently it works like this on the BetUs.com website: They set an estimated target for the earnings of an opening film and you bet against it. For example, for The Break-Up, lets say they set $30 million as its estimated take. Since the film came in at $38 million last weekend, anyone who bet that the take would be over $30 million would be a winner.

Well, unless you went and saw the movie that is. The real losers were those poor saps who shelled out their hard-earned green to make this unfunny moneygrab $38 million bucks.

Another sports betting site called World Sports Exchange has reported that betting on movies has jumped 26 percent over the last year. Wow. Who knew betting on films could be sooo (yawn) fun?

But why stop there? You can also bet on the nuptials of celebrity couples. Yep, so if you really believe in the true and beautiful union that is Hilary Duff and rock star Joel Madden, then I dont recommend you go to BetUs.com. They only give the young pair 15 to 1 odds (come on BetUs, you cannot put odds on love!!! Wait. Isn't that a Bon Jovi lyric? Well, it should be).

And then ofcourse online gaming has also had other such necessary bets like "will George Clooney run for president"? Or "who will be the next celebrity to admit to being illiterate"? Honestly, I wish I were making this up.

Now, with all of that in mind, let me ask you a question: does anyone just WATCH movies anymore?