What Your SAT Didn't Tell You

I walked by a barbershop today and the ol' guy in there was turning off his burglar alarm, which made me think - who in the fuck would break into a barbershop? What are they gonna steal - a pair of scissors? Some boring magazines? That blue junk that all the dirty combs soak in?

Then I thought, hey, if that's all I had to worry about, damn that’s just another reason why I should quit my job and become a barber. I mean, what's the worse thing that could happen in your day? The bangs aren't straight?

Fuck me, what I am I doing with my life?