Yo Backslider! Miracles For Sale! Real Cheap!

This morning I watched a TV show in which evangelist Ernest Angley was "creating miracles" by curing people of their illnesses simply by slapping them in the head.

Now, while I agree many-a-folk need a good slap in the head, I really can't say I'm buying it, Ernie.

Sure, sure - maybe you fooled the ol' black lady into walking without her walker for a few steps. And maybe the fat lady with the glandular problem and the enlarged heart will cut back on the curly fries now that you popped her across the ears, but come on Big E, admit it, you're just punching people out in the name of God.

Okay, so surprise! I am one cynical monkey, but still, I just don't think you should trust someone to save your soul when they feel the need to hide their own insecurity in the form of a really crap wig.

Just seems like a rule to live by to me.

Besides, if you can cure blindness Ern, surely, you can rub your greasy palms over your own wrinkley bean and sprout a thick mane in the name of the Lord, can't ya? Come on, Big E, old pal, you'd get a few more points on my dartboard if you could show us that a man who can defeat death in the meek and defenseless can atleast also admit he's as bald as a baboon's puckery blue ass.

But then again, maybe the Almighty only has the healing powers to reverse blindness, deafness and incurable human disease. As it turns out, maybe God's just not so good with male pattern baldness.

Well, I suppose I shouldn't be shocked. It's a bit of a mystery to me too.