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Friday, February 18, 2005

New & Improved Rules of the Road

Arizona has actually passed a law called “The Stupid Motorists Law”, whereby drivers are fined for getting their vehicles stuck in flooded roadways.

I think we need more laws like this. Accurate, realistically-portrayed laws. I'm doing my part by suggesting some other driving laws that should be implemented:

“The Pointless Dumbfuck Law” – a $50 fine to drivers who lay on their horns in traffic that’s not moving, for apparently no other reason than self-amusement.

“The Absent-Minded Arsehole Law” – a $100 fine to people who have been driving around with their turn signal continually blinking since the Korean War.

"The Compensating-For-A-Small-Penis Law" - a $100 fine to anyone who drives a Hummer in downtown traffic. You dickheads.

“The Kyoto-Krippling Cocksucker Law” – a $200 fine to drivers who navigate vehicles that look as if they're driving through a grass fire based on the cloud and stench of shit pumping out of their mufflers.

“The Lame Taste In Beats Y'all Law” - a $300 fine to these apparently deaf pricks who drive around with their bogus dance beats pumping so loud it calibrates your heartbeat and scares off small animals. Also known as “The Shamelessly Arrogant Half-Wit Law”

“The Pick It Up A Notch, Scooter Law” – a $50 fine for people driving slower than a constipated turtle in a shitting contest.

“The Back Off Bumwad Law” – a $100 fine for drivers who ride so close on your tail they can tell you what you ate for dinner the night before.

“The That Windshield’s See Through Snotlicker Law” – a $200 fine to any driver who makes everyone nauseous because his finger is so far up his nostril you can see it protruding under the skin of his forehead. Also kown as “The Atleast It’s Not In A Different Hole Law”.