The 5 People I'll Meet In Heaven

Mitch Albom has a big bestseller on his hands with 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven'.

While, having not read the spiritual spinetingler, it has nonetheless inspired me in my own way.

If you’ve kept up with the Quill of the Saucy Monk, you’re already well aware that the likelihood of me ending up in Heaven is about as likely as Michael Jackson jumping up in the middle of his molestation trial, ripping off a mask to reveal it’s been Jamie Kennedy this whole time. “America, you’ve been X’d!!!”

Still, this morning I thought I’d reflect on who I would possibly like to meet me in heaven, should there be such a fateful, magical carnival ride. So in no particular order, here are...


The 5 People I’ll Meet In Heaven:

McLean Stevenson – wearing his Colonel Blake hat from M*A*S*H*, he would be there to meet me at the Pearly Gates. As I walked up, he would salute me, naturally sticking his hand on one of the fishing hooks.

Howard Hughes – so I can ask him what was the deal with the fingernails.

Lenny Bruce – just so I can see his face when I tell him it's not shocking to hear swearing on the network news now.

John F. Kennedy – “so Joe….Marilyn? She a go-er? Knowwhaddimean, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more?!?”

W.C. Fields – well, everyone needs a cantankerous drinking chum in Heaven, I figure. Might as well go with one who hates children too.

So...did I miss anyone?