News Flash!

This just in....

Hundreds of Michael Jackson fans descended upon Santa Maria, California yesterday to support the King of Pop on day one of his child molestation trial.

Many had signs proclaiming Jackson’s innocence, reading such slogans as, “Stop the Money Hunt”, “We Support the Survivor”, “Child Molestation is NOT a Crime – Oh wait….um, apparently it is” and “Fuck the Children”.

Fans from around the globe defended Jackson. A fat dude from Las Vegas says he came to support Jacko because he’s “good luck for him”. Other comments included, “If you can’t believe a guy who has turned himself into one of the aliens from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, who can you trust?” and “Jesus, he’s even more scary-looking in person!”.
But not all in attendance were in support of the pop star. One of the parents of the alleged victims stated, “Goddammit, I looooove money!!”.

In a related news item, scientists from Duke University have discovered that monkeys will give up their daily ration of juice to watch computer pictures of other simians in pornographic situations.

So much for evolution.