Today's Specials...Bullshit.

Ya ever been in an eating establishment where there’s a big sign featuring the “Special”, only to discover you can’t quite figure out where the “Special” part comes in?

For example, let’s say you’re in Big Vinny’s Ballbuster Café. Now, Big Vinny’s got a sign that says “Today’s Pasta Special – Lasagna with side salad – only $9.99”. You think to yerself, “brother, that sounds like a deal”, only to find in the menu that you can normally order the Lasagna and side salad for $9.99.

So, where’s the “Special” part come in?

Is there something we don’t know? Is Big Vinny gonna come out to the table himself and grind pepper on it by crushing individual peppercorns between his naked thighs? And if so, that’s not a “special”, that’s a “surprise” – and a rather unpleasant one I might add.

Enough with the false advertising. Give me a ‘special’ when you say you are – not some over-hyped, under-delivered mediocre menu item that doesn’t sell.

It reminds me of that over-used grocery store marketing term, “Everyday Low Price!”. Ok, I get it. You’re prices are low. Atleast lose the exclamation. You can’t be that excited about something that never changes.

Besides, that’s not the “Everyday Low Price”. That’s the price! Period.

I’m not walking into the pharmacy to ask “excuse me but what’s the ‘everyday low price’ of the Anusol?”. I’m just going to ask for ‘the price’. I’m going to assume it’s the everyday low price. What I’m not going to expect is the pharmacist to arbitrarily change his mind, “hmm, well…since I can tell by the frantic scratching at the back of your pants you’re in a seriously discomforting situation, today it’s 43 dollars. But just today. That’s not the ‘everyday low price’”.

Fine. Just gimme my Anusol and get me the hell outta here.