You May Or May Not Read This

People need to stop using the term "may or may not".

It is one of those pathetic, meaningless phrases that people use when they obviously have no idea what they are talking about and must protect their own insecure ego with this safety-net terminology.

As in:

"Now this may or may not be a stupid question but, if I chopped one of my testicles off with an old rusty fishing knife, do you think it would hurt?"

Or:

"Pardon me Estaban, but that disgusting growth on your neck may or may not in fact be a third appendage growing out of your head."

It may. But may be not.

The truth is, there is no need to say ‘may not’ at all. Isn’t that pretty much implied when you say ‘may’ in the first place? It may be. It may not be. Either way... it may.

If you're sure about what you're talking about, be proud - say it with feeling. "Estaban, that goddamn thing on your neck needs to be lanced, discarded in a hermetically-sealed container and launched into the deep recesses of space".

If you're not sure what you are talking about, then don't say anything. There's too much ambivalence in this world, and if you can't make up your mind, you may or may not just be a fucking idiot.