The Sexless Lone Star State

What is the deal with all these eunuchs in Texas government who seem to think since they have no use for genitalia, no one else should get to use theirs either?

Now, they’re so sexually-deprived and bitter, they’re rallying behind a bill to ban “sexually-suggestive” routines by cheerleaders.

Hey Dickless, lighten up a little. It’s called “expression”, something that fat, doughy cholesterol-filled face of yours knows nothing about. Just because you’re capillaries are so constricted you have no feeling in your cock anymore, doesn’t mean your kids shouldn’t get to feel anything.

What do these fucking dudes want to see on the football field – cheerleaders doing the foxtrot in ballroom gowns? They’re CHEERLEADERS. That’s why kids WANT to be on the cheerleader squad – to be sexy. If you were gonna look like a fucking frigid young Republican once you made the cheerleading team, no one would even try out.

The real problem with this bill however, is that it doesn't define the behavior it is trying to prevent. It’s just an open ‘no more sexually-suggestive behavior’ policy.

So…what the fuck is the point of that? What kind of drills are we talking about banning here? I mean are there really drills where young, sexy girl-cheerleaders suggestively pull their little mini-skirts up exposing the soft, suppleness of where thigh meets buttock, then drape themselves over the knees of the boys inviting them to slowly paddle her with his palm because she’s been a very, very naughty miss and needs to be spanked…uh…um…sorry, what was I talking about?

No matter. Look, aren’t there a lot of other things our so-called leaders should be concentrating on other than some bootylicious babes getting freaky on the dancefloor.

The rep who suggested the bill even likened it “to risqué television programs and Internet pornography sites”. Come on, internet pornography? Really. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a cheerleader drill where the big finishing move was going down on a donkey. You sure you wanna make that comparison?

Besides, this is avoiding the real issue. Which is, accepting that your kids are now more sexually-explicit than ever before. You don’t want to see it on the football field because you don’t want to accept that maybe, just maybe your precious little Missy who grew up all sugar ‘n’ spice with her Raggetty Ann dolls and tiny tea sets and Strawberry Shortcake could actually be the crowning queen of sucking cock at her high school.

You don’t have to look far to see kids are pretty hardcore on the dancefloor – spend a week in Cancun over Spring Break if you don’t believe that - but as far as these uptight politicians are concerned…just don’t force them to have to see it. Then, they don’t have to believe it’s out there. And then they don’t have to talk to their kids about it.

And then, they don’t have to fight the raging pent-up resentment of their own sterile, sexless existence.