An Open Letter To Diddy

Dear Sean "Diddy" Combs,

So, I hear you are dropping the "P" from your name.

Fine. Drop the "P". Drop the "Diddy" for all we care. You should know, we're all quite aware your real name is Sean Combs. It really doesn't matter what you wanna call yourself. Announcing to the press that you're changing your fake name is like calling the press to say you have now decided your giant pretend bunny-rabbit pal named "Harvey" is no longer a rabbit after all, but a giant pretend armadillo. Great. Whatever turns you on, dude.

Now, I understand one of the reasons you did this was to clear up the confusion for your fans. Apparently, at some of your concerts, fans can't figure out what to chant: "P. Diddy" or just "Diddy". While I do accept the reasoning that this will hopefully end that stressful, sleep-deprivating conundrum (Oh, how it must keep you up at night!), perhaps you could have solved this difficult dilemma with an even simpler solution: going by your real name in the first place.

Ok, ok, I admit, a crowd of overzealous hip-hop fans chanting "Sean" doesn't quite have the same ring to it as it would with a drunken crowd of hooligans at a Glasgow Football stadium, but it is after all...your name.

By the way, what the hell does "Diddy" mean? Actually, nevermind. The answer is bound to be underwhelming in the least.

Well, good luck with your new moniker. I certainly hope people quickly grasp the concept of your new decision and begin chanting "Diddy" with the desired passion and syncopation that a talented artist like you expects, and that it doesn't have the opposite effect and leave people chanting the name you're more likely setting yourself up for: "Pretentious, Self-Important Cocksucker".

Good luck,
All my best,
A fan (especially of that Godzilla song - it rocks my muffin!)

S. Monk