To Vainly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before...

Did you know that NASA is looking for aliens?

Okay, maybe that sounds like a naive comment, but I never really gave it a lot of thought before. Apparently, it's really going on though.

According to Reuters, Margaret Turnbull of the Carnegie Institution of Washington released her "top 10" list of potential stars to target for NASA's Terrestrial Planet Finder, a system of two orbiting observatories scheduled for launch by 2020 to look for extraterrestrial life.

Now, I don't know about you but...is this really worth the hassle?

First off, it's not like we're looking on the moon or Mars or anywhere within conceivable grasp. One of the planets is 18 Sco in the Scorpio constellation. Ya know where that is? No? Me neither, but I'm guessing Fodor's hasn't published a hitchhiker's guidebook for it.

Second, I can't begin to imagine how much money it is costing for us to point a bunch of high-priced telescopes into space hoping to see Marvin the Martian looking back under his Roman helmet.

What if we did see that anyhow? Then what? Remember that scene in the movie Signs when Mel Gibson looks under the door using the reflection of a knife to see what was on the other side? Ya, well...that's what.

Now, do i believe there may be extraterrestrial life? Sure. Why not? There's got to be some cats out there a bit more centred than our species of cartoon-rioting, Paris Hilton-worshipping dipshits. Do I really wanna meet em? No. Know why you should carry a bell with ya into the woods to keep the bears away? Because they don't wanna meet you either.

See, I'm fine thinking there could be alien life out there. Great. You keep 18 Sco in the Scorpio constellation. You can have it, and whatever green-skinned alien chicks you got on the fly there are all yours too. Fuck Captain Kirk. I'm quite happy with the babes down here.

As far as I'm concerned, the last thing I really need is to satisfy my craving to crawl into the sideshow tent to see the slimy alien with the big eyes and the opaque skin only to find the price of admission was a giant anal probe shoved up my stinker.