Stop the Fucking Presses...

I just read on the scrolling newticker of some 24 news television channel this piece of heavily-topical and impertinant information:

"The Shaggy Dog star Tim Allen admits he's actually a cat person".

Wow.

If this is really considered a "newsworthy" item of information important enough to be updated along the news update ticker, then, please...someone....gouge my eyes out right now. I won't need them anymore.