"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I Think I Lived With A Jackpot Like This Once

A stirring news item worth checking out:

MOSS BLUFF, Fla. - A man accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested.

Franklin Paul Crow, 56, was charged Monday with homicide in the death of Kenneth Matthews, 58...Crow told investigators that the men were fighting about the toilet paper over the weekend when Matthews pulled out a rifle. Crow said he then began beating Matthews with the sledgehammer and claw hammer, according to an affidavit.

Boys, boys, boys... ...settle down...

It's only asswipe.

Nothing to beat a guy to death with a claw hammer over. Surely that kind of behavior should be reserved for rush hour traffic.

Wouldn't a simple Post-It Note do the trick to remind the ol' roomate to pick up some T.P.? Worked for me in college:

"Dearest Roomate, if you might find a moment to hoist yourself up off the sofa and pull the change that has affixed itself to the perspiration on your giant lard-filled ass cheek, perhaps you can take a 5 minute trip to the corner store and engage in your turn of buying toilet paper...if not, I feel I will have liberty to wipe my muddy crack with your favorite toothbrush. Many thanks, Your Faithful Roomie."

Like I said...it seemed to work for me in college.

But then, with this guy at the ripe, mature old age of 56, I'm thinking maybe Mr. Crow might have some deeper problems other than just needing a good wipe of the old Charmin.