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Wednesday, March 02, 2005

How To Use Your New Breast

In Miami, a former topless dancer who was famously cleared of battering a Florida nightclub patron with her breasts has removed her oversized silicone implants and put one of them up for auction on eBay.

While I’m not likely to jump on to the on-line auction site myself and drop a few bucks for an unimplanted implant, I am always here to help the pathetic few who might (I’m kinda like a post-modern Mother Theresa, only I’m a bit of a heretic and I like Fudgee-O’s. Lotta people don't know that Mama-T detested Fudgee-O’s - more of a Newton fan, really).

Anyhow, here’s a few ways you might consider using your newly purchased breast implant…

- an elbow pillow – wait…how big is this thing?
- a pot-holder
- practice
- a boxing glove
- a bean-bag chair for a small dog
- a replacement tetherball
- a replacement volleyball
- a coaster for your bowling ball
- a neck rest for long car rides
- a bike helmet…
- …or if you’re French, a clear beret
- a paper weight
- a candy dish
- No ass? Put it in your pants. Instant big, bubbly firm ass.