"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Grandpa Bling-Bling & His Barbed Wire Tattoo

in Calgary

Beside me on the flight to Calgary, one woman reading a rather ridiculous celebrity-themed magazine showed another a "then and now" photo of former Knots Landing soap star Donna Mills.

"Doesn't she look amazing for 64?" said one.

"Wow, looks amazing." said the other.

But ofcourse, neither of them really mean it.

What they really mean is, "doesn't she look young for 64?".

To be honest, if she is 64, then I'd say she looks terrible. In fact, she looks completely unnatural for someone who is supposed to be menopausal. I wouldn't say "looks amazing" - I'd say, "that's just not right - she's fuckin' 64!".

What's wrong with looking your age? It's only natural. Somehow by avoiding the physical appearance of age these idiots must think the unnatural mannequin is somehow accomplishing the act of stunting their maturity and subsequently death, I guess. Why praise it otherwise? Well, bullshit Grandpa Bling Bling - put down the Rogaine and pick up the prune juice. Face it, yer fucking old. No biggie.

Show me a celebrity at 64 who is fat, out of shape, flabby, bald or blue-haired, wrinkled, forgetful, freckled in liverspots, varicosed veined, flatulant, achy, inflamed, arthritic, wheezy, sneezy, phlegmy, dealing with a cantaloupe-sized prostrate and okay with being a has-been - you know, like a normal person - and I'll then say...

"wow, looks amazing".