"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Saturday, July 16, 2005

5 Dating Tips For Dudes (Who Are Dickheads)

Ok, so I'm a monk - maybe your not expecting me to be an expert in the field of dating, but lemme just say that I do have something to offer in this department. After all, I wasn't always a saucy monk...I was once plain saucy. So, let me pass on 5 dating tips for dudes (who are dickheads):

1) Dress nice. Guys, never wear a t-shirt so worn people can see your nipples through it.

2) No matter how good the steak is, never "save it for later", by hiding hunks of meat in your shirt pocket.

3) Listen up, fellas. Never follow up a date's anecdote about a conflict with a co-worker by saying, "does she have a nice ass?"

4) Sit up straight. Good posture makes you look healthier, stronger and more attractive. Also, for once in your life, don't crank off any farts for a night, can you handle that Mr. Fermenting Chili Dog?

5) Gifts. Yes, gifts can be flattering and a good way to send signals, but never go over the top with your intentions. For example, a 10-inch rubber dildo named The Two-Headed Hydra might be best reserved for a little later into your relationship.

Hopefully, these tips will come in handy and you will be able to pull off that awkward first date by looking less like the dickhead that you are.

Love always,
Saucy Monk