"I can't understand why more people haven't added you as a favorite. You are one rad fucker!" -- uridium15, diaryland

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Yo, Those McJeans Is Totally Fly, Dawg!

So, McDonald's is in talks with P. Diddy, Tommy Hilfiger, Abercrombie & Fitch and others about designing new "hip street wear" for their unhip, teenage, zit-faced burger slingers.

I think Mickey D's must be losing its mind.

Now that they've already deceptively introduced a "healthy" menu and a "slimmer" Ronald Mc Donald (nevermind Ronnie, how about you get that lazy, purple blob of shit Grimace onto an elliptical machine once in a while), presumably the fast-food empire must think they need to appeal to the "cool" crowd for employees (psst, McRauchy's...how about higher wages?).

I say McFuck that bullshit.

As a teenager, the cool thing about McDonald's was it was a sanctuary for the outcast. It had an equal-opportunity-hiring practice: anyone could work there. Geeks. Nerds. Dweebs. Dorks. Knobs. Losers. Shitheads. Fuck-ups. Zeroes. Heroes. The Socially-Retarded. The Misplaced. The Shy. The Obnoxious. The Annoying and occasionally, even what I call, The Unsightly.

Why fuck up a good thing?

I mean, it's not like these poor kids trying to make a few bucks-on-a-first-job-so-they-can-buy-the-latest-cell phone-with-a-camera/internet/videogame/transporter/doomsday machine are going to look back fondly on getting in shit for "not assembling the condiments on the Big Mac in the proper order". This is a shit job, baby. Now shows me my money!

I didn't look fondly on my fast food job. No one I knew did. Not without a tongue nearly piercing the inside of one's cheek anyhow.

What McD's is likely thinking is that if they can only convince these young consumers their fast-food bullshit is as "hip" as say, rainbow parties, Paris Hilton and displaying 3 inches of ass-crack outside your low-cut jeans, well then, bingo! A billion more burgers sold.

Which brings to mind a horrible image. The designs of these new "hip street wear" uniforms. It's unappetizing enough that the kid salting my fries has a face more pock-marked than the lunar surface. Do I really need to see the forest of whiteheads covering the crack of his ass?