Whatever Happened to Giving People Jobs?

In Japan, researchers are trying to develop the ultimate personal care givers for the elderly – robots. Yep, fucking robots.

Japanese researchers have begun developing mechanical helpers for use in homes, offices, hospitals and nursing facilities.

Well, nothing quite says ‘I love you’ like absolutely eliminating any element of human touch to those we love, eh? What a sense of honor to bestow upon your elderly, dying mother who raised you, fed you and protected you even when you were a helpless, hungry, useless and pathetic waste of genetic material.

Remember, when you sniveled and sulked for days and days after you got dumped by that dumb twill you dated in grade 7? You really think your Mom wanted to keep hearing about that shit? No sir. She wanted to slap you upside the temple and tell you to “get your shit together, you pathetic fuck”. But she didn’t. She hugged you, reassured you and made you cocoa. Well, thanks for the good parenting Ma, let Robbie the Robot take you for a walk now, you wrinkled ol’ skinbag.

I dunno. Maybe it makes economic sense to have robots as "helpers".

Or maybe we’re just too self-centred to really give a shit about that shaky old-fucker who bores us with tales of their daily bridge games and their enjoyable walks in the garden – even if they are blood. “Sorry Pop, can’t chat now – Beauty and the Geek is about to start – you know I can’t go without my B & G, daddy-o!”

I just don’t think we need to turn all our acts of service over to the hands of a robot. That’s just not a great idea to me. I mean, doesn’t anyone remember Stanley Kubrick's 2001, for fuck sakes? Okay, how about last year’s I, Robot? Remember that? One minute yer instructing yer nursing-aid android to give you a barium enema, the next the tin-plated bastard is dicing you up like a tomato with those icy cold Ginsu-knife fingers we’ve designed for them.

Anyone remember when the worst case scenario was a nurse with a giant hairy mole on her chin and a bad disposition?