Please Come Again...(Asshole)

At what point did we give up on real customer service for the illusion of customer service?

Everywhere I go now someone is quick to greet me before I get my foot in the door of their store. Wal-Mart. 7 -11. Blockbuster Video.

“Hello!”, “Hello!”
"Hello!", "Hello."
"Hello!", “Hell-fuckin’-o, already!!!”

Look, QuickDraw McGreeter, I don’t mind that your so-called friendly demeanor is already as false as Pamela Anderson’s 5-pin bowling boobs, but please don’t compound it by pretending to be that eager to see me enter your store, ok?

Wal-Mart even has ‘greeters’ hired to say “hello” to you as you enter, as if a witness wasn’t the last thing you wanted going into that dump.

But have you noticed these greeters at Wal-Mart are always really old or people in wheelchairs? How patronizing it must be to finally knock down the stigmatized walls of discrimination and get hired at Wal-Mart only to be told you gotta sit your ass at the door and greet 300-lb trailer park queens wearing undersized sweatpants with “juicy” written across the ass for 8 hours a day.

“Well, you’ve got the job Mr. Hawking – quite the resume. Now get out there and show us what that freaky voicebox is made of!”

And one more thing. Don’t wish me well if I’m leaving and didn’t purchase anything from your store.

“Come again!”
“Take care!”
“Thanks for coming!”.

Thanks for coming?!? I didn’t even buy anything. Wanna know how I reply when I hear this wimpy, final plea for my business as I exit the store?

“You fucking pussy!”

Well…I figure anyone this desperate only deserves to hear the truth. And I think it would be refreshing to hear a little honesty from a store clerk if I didn’t purchase his wares.

“Thanks for wasting my time!”
“Next time just keep walkin’, fucknut!”
“I hope you don’t treat your girlfriend this way, you cocktease!”

Ya know, that kind of thing. Why, if I heard that, I reckon he’d make a sale off me next time.