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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Practical Advice For Not Dying

Forbes magazine – the journal for wealthy, well-to-do business types – has provided us with a list of the top ten ways to live longer. These include such insightful verses as “chill out”, “eat your anti-oxidants”, “marry well” and ofcourse, “be rich”.

Wow. Thanks Forbes. Such useful advice.

Ironically enough, the lesser-known magazine for financially-bankrupt trailer trash – Jethro’s Photocopied Pamphlet – has also recently published it’s similarly-themed 10 ways to live “real long-like”:

1) When storing your gun on top of the TV, point it away from the couch.

2) Don’t eat gravel.

3) Don’t over-huff the gas.

4) If your dog is foaming at the mouth, let it outside to play.

5) Stay away from Crazy Jimmy. He’s fucking nuts.

6) Point all fireworks away from your face.

7) Eat your canned peas.

8) Don’t get run over.

9) Don’t drink the radiator coolant. No matter how much it looks like Kool-Aid, it still isn’t.

10) Be rich.