An Uninsightful Observance

by the Saucy Monk


A pigeon will do anything within it’s power not to fly.

But don’t let ‘em fool ya, those fuckers can fly. I’ve seen 'em.

In fact, many times, I've seen these things hobbling around with only one foot. Now that's dedication. I mean, here ya are, a perfectly good pigeon (well, except for one foot missing) and you're still hobbling around on your stump to avoid flying. How fucking lazy does one bird have to be?

Also, who's taking all these pigeons' feet? I mean, it's not exactly something that falls off.

I imagine one day I'm going to be walking on my way to work, and out of the corner of my eye, I'm going to see a dirty ol' homeless dude standing there with a crumpled Tim Horton's coffee cup dressed in a suit made of decapitated pigeon feet.

I also imagine that I buy it from him for $30, patent the design and it becomes the height of couture. Then, in a sudden demand of the newest fashion fad, pigeons all over the world start losing their feet until all of them have nothing left but stumps for legs.

That is the day those dirty monkeys will finally fly once again.