Putting the "Die" In Diet

(aka "Take A Giant Bite of My Diet Ass")

I always laugh a little when I see some 500 lb human-puff ball wearing track-pants in line at the Burger King ordering 3 double-Whoppers with everything, onion rings, extra, extra large French fries (actually, make it two), an apple pie, a chocolate shake, and….oh, and a small Diet Coke.

And it does happen.

Like washing down that gorge of grease and saturated fat will magically disappear because you decided to wash it down with a little Aspartame. Right.

Hell, if I ever cram that much chemical into my body, soon after I expect to find myself giving Jimi Hendrix a piggyback through a Willy Wonka-land while a giant Jim Morrison head forms in the clouds above and begins singing “Riders On The Storm” to us. That, or I just think my heart would just stop. Maybe that’d be better actually.

People are such suckers for marketing that it seems to me you could put the word “diet” in front of anything, and people will assume it’s good for them.

“Hey Jim-Bob-Billy-Jean, whatcha eating there?”

“(shrumph, chew, marphle) Well, it’s new Diet Fat-Fried Sweetened Pork Belly and Cheese with Extra Untested Steroid Chemical – it’s got less fat than the regular Fat-Fried Sugar-Coated Pork Belly and Cheese with Extra Untested Steroid Chemical ‘cause it’s got Nutrasweet in it….um…can you please pass me the salt, Jethro?”

Now, I just have to laugh a little harder at those “Diet Coke” people with this news announcement released a couple of days ago:

Aspartame Causes Cancer in Rats at Levels Currently Approved for Humans

Well, well, well…

Who woulda thought, eh?

Now, who’s up for that all-natural organic unsalted kale ‘n’ carrot juice with extra carrot pulp?