How To Be Desperately Uncool

Each morning I turn on the TV and watch the daily morning show as I get ready for work. It's not because I like it. It's not because I need to hear the traffic updates or hear about the weather. No, it's because I just want to know what popular slang terms have become completely out of style.

For example, now that my local morning news anchor, a soulless black lady with hair straighter than uncooked linguine and a common sense for nothing outside of various shades of nail polish has taken to excessive use of the term "bling".

Now, first of all, why any news anchor should be using a term like "bling" is beyond comprehension in the first place. Hey, ya never woulda heard Walter Cronkite utter the words "Ay yo trip, perps packin' glocks hit a lick and jacked 10 million worth of diamonds. Yo, that's some bling, fo' shizzle!"

If you wanna be a serious news anchor...act like one. If you wanna be a street-wise, slang-dropping rapper, take a gunshot to the chest.

Besides, due to my extensive research, "bling" lost its cool a little after 8 p.m. Oct. 16, 2003, when morning TV personality Katie Couric used the term incorrectly in describing a diamond ring by saying, "talk about bling-bling-bling, man!"

Yes, morning television. Educating us on a daily basis on how to be desperately uncool.